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Post by Rhys on Sept 18, 2005 19:32:11 GMT
It's a tad pre-emptive but, in a state of boredom, I have decided to put up a snifter of the 7th book of the series where Gillian gets institutionalised. www.thebloodlust.co.uk |
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Post by RJ on Sept 19, 2005 15:26:08 GMT
"“There was a time when I used to think I was a werewolf," she blurted and could not help but grin at the end of the sentence." I don't know why but that's wrong. it doesn't read correctly. maybe...“There was a time when I used to think I was a werewolf," she blurted out with a nervous grin. presuming your going for nerves but that was the impression I got. I 'd be tempted to skip the 'alright nowoo' too as it detracts from the "got something stuck in his throat" which felt a lot funnier to me. I'd be tempted to pree-empt it with some pathos on behalf of the chap as well to get that up and downy type thing*.  RJ *Erm , more technically probably something to do with the rhythm I think. |
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Post by Rhys on Sept 19, 2005 17:51:36 GMT
Bloody register, you sod!
But the 'alright nowooooo' is a classic joke. I'm not going for nerves. She's deliberately winding him up and can only hold a straight face right up to the very end. You are right, though, it doesn't really explain that too clearly.
It's very rough at the mo and is the only section of the book that has any structure at all therefore the only bit I could post.
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